The story so far...
It was the time of Ada Lovelace. In pioneer Wyoming, a genius girl was born. Her name was jane. And she fell asleep inside the server she invented. For over 150 years, her server lay undiscovered.
Waiting for humans to invent microchips.
Waiting for an operating system powerful enough to handle her fiery processing speeds.
But as the dawn of the internet rose in the 1990s, disaster struck.
Pirates from male-owned web hosting companies cast an evil spell over the linux goddess, so no one would find her.
Jealous they would never equal jane’s speeds, the boys flooded the net with annoyingly slow hosting that screws up all the time without warning.
With no way to host jane, website owners have lost trillions of dollars in business due to abandoned carts on slow page loading.
Mercifully, one day, the planet Venus appeared over the digital sea and fired jane's processors.
"It shall be written in the stars," Venus proclaimed, "that if you accept the acceptable use policy you can host a blazing-fast website with jane. Rocket in Pingdom tests!"
"Need a fast site?" Venus asked.
"Here's 18,732 ways to get one!"
It took only 72 hours for the first pilgrims to propagate the DNS of their websites to jane's nameservers, which the linux goddess lit up with a red flame; a digital lighthouse over the binary sea, guiding all ISP requests home.
Free site transfer was included in plans to make the job of moving your website's files and databases to jane seamless, with no downtime.